Last week was life changing! This might be a little bit TMI (too much Info), as the average person would call it, and sharing it here on the blog is something that i`ve been debating for days now. But hey, when that inner voice keeps on pushing you to the limit, to that very far edge, you know you need to pull yourself together and get things done. In my case it`s going to be an emotional one, one that i hope to never ever have to put in words again.
Thursday, 23rd March 2017.
I came home from work and as i would normally do every single day, i decided to get comfy in my Pj`s. There is nothing as free as taking off your bra at the end of a long day. It`s kind of a sweet relief which most, if not all, women look forward to at the end of the day. As far as i`m concerned, the perfect bra is a sweatshirt :), who else is on the same page with me on this??
Something felt wierd on this particular evening. I felt an abnormal kind of sensation in my left breast which grabbed my attention. So i moved my fingers gently around it in circular motions and repeated the same on the right one. Even the sizes differed, which isn`t really a big deal since one size of our body is naturally bigger than the other one. But after repeating this several times, this time paying more attention (telling myself it`s not what i think it is..), i felt something in my left breast!! Putting this into words is way harder than i imagined! I know at this point your heart might be beating twice as fast as mine but hold on there, i`m yet to tell you how this story unfolds…
This is the very first time i felt how it is to have your world change in a blink of an eye! I always use this line alot but experiencing it on a whole new level was quite life changing. Man, when i tell you that life can transform in a split second, believe me! Everything that you can imagine will flash right away in your mind! And to top it all, i made the worst mistake by consulting Dr. Google. Not the best idea, but a girl had to get some answers and get them real quick! I couldn`t focus on anything else and trust me, Dr. Google had ALOT to say on this issue. So much Information that took my level of Fear a notch higher! How on earth was i supposed to process all this?
At this point i was devastated. Broken. Numb. Whatever you call it. I waited for hubby to come. He is my happy place. I needed him to do his magic and search for that monster that wanted to invade his Kingdom. You know, that`s his Territorry. One that he treasures so much. It was quite a moment for both of us. But i guess more for me. After some minutes he smiled back and told me he can`t feel anything. “Baby, you are totally fine. Nothing is wrong with you!”. Those were his words. Such a positive soul i must say. He actually knows the perfect time to say the right words, ha? This right here, is a man after my own heart 🙂 Well i`m not quite sure if it was me imagining things or him wanting to make me feel calm after such a serious self diagnosis? Either way, i was still very much disturbed. I decided not to speak myself into any negative thoughts. It wasn`t doing me any good. We prayed as we normally do before bed and called it a day.
I planned to go see my Gynaecologist immediately after work. I couldn`t concentrate at work. It was like trying to walk through a wall. I`m so lucky to be sorrounded by beautiful souls. My collegues at work, one in particular is God sent. She has such a calm and humble spirit. It`s amazing to know that such people still exist in this world. It makes the world a better place to live in. After sharing with her what happened, she told me to call the doctor asap. How could i have not thought about that? Seriously? Considering the fact that i`m such an open and passionate advocate of good health. How ironic! You see how fear can paralyse you??
I managed to get the lady in the reception. She was totally understanding. In less than an hour i had an appointment. I made my way to the docs`s place. I had a cloud of thoughts drifting over my head. As it drifted, so did i. With my whole being! The hardest part wasn`t waiting for my turn to be called in the doc`s office. I think i almost lost it when she spread the warm sticky gel on my breast and slightly angled this huge white ultrasound scanning machine towards me in order for both of us to verify, if she could find any lump. That was the longest five minutes in my entire life. I wouldn`t wish that to happen anyone.
There is something about doctor’s that is calming, no matter how big your worries are. Their eyes are a reflection of hope and strength. There is a certain surety in their voices that says, whatever it is, you shall pull through. First is the assurance that not all lumps are cancerous before asking a series of questions like any history of breast cancer in your family and reproductive factors. Prior to this scan, she took the time to inquire about some very important points by asking of any discharge on the nipples other than milk, any recent nipple retractions or abnormalities, reddening of the skin or any skin dimpling. Luckily i hadn`t experienced any of the above.
What a relief my dear friends! What a relief….
I`m so glad that the Ultrasound scan showed nothing to say the least. She went into details and explained everything i could see on the scan. The swelling which i thought was a lump, was due to the hormonal changes caused by my periods which can make the breast tissues change its density and size. The breast can get tender, and even seem to shift a bit in texture and shape.I`m so glad that was the case for me. She told me to monitor it closely after my periods come to an end and if the swelling doesn`t go down i book another appointment. Luckily the swelling did actually go down and i couldn`t be more happier writing this. Just to be on the safer side, i still have another appointment booked later on next month for another check up.
Ladies listen. If you reading this right now, please take a minute and self examine yourself. Prevention is better than Cure. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Fear can make you shut down. Freeze. Which is totally ok. I mean, we are all human and this is part of our nature. But please don`t forget to take action. Remember it`s your life which is at stake. Make the right decision.
This is a raw Post. Unedited and straight from my heart. I hope this message reached home.
Love & Love
Pants: H&M (Sale)